Because “she’ll be right” isn’t always enough.
Let’s face it — us Aussie blokes are great at many things: sinking beers, giving shit to our mates, or fixing anything with duct tape.
What we’re not always great at? Talking about the heavy stuff... especially when one of the boys is clearly doing it tough.
You’ve probably been there: your mate’s pulling back from the group chat, skipping knock-offs, or just not quite himself lately. You can tell something's off, but you're not sure how to bring it up without making it weird. The last thing you want is to come across as pushy, or worse, like you’re playing armchair therapist.
So what do you actually do when your mate’s mental health is slipping?
1. Spot the Signs
You don’t need a psychology degree to notice when a mate’s off their game. Common signs include:
- Going quiet or withdrawing from the group
- Snapping more than usual
- Drinking or partying harder than normal
- Cancelling plans last minute
- Looking flat or not giving a toss about stuff they normally enjoy
Trust your gut. You know your mate. If something feels off, it probably is.
2. Don’t Wait for a Crisis
We’ve all heard the stories — “He seemed fine last week” — and sometimes that’s true. But more often than not, there were signs. It’s better to check in early than wait till things go pear-shaped.
It doesn’t have to be a big sit-down heart-to-heart. In fact, it’s better if it’s not.
Here’s how to slide into it:
“Oi, you been quiet lately — everything sweet?”
“You seem a bit off, what’s been happening?”
No need for violins. Just keep it real.
3. Listen Like a Legend
If he opens up (even just a bit), this is where you don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need the answers. You just need ears.
One of the best things you can do is just listen without judging or jumping in. Let your mate talk. Nod. Throw in a few “I get why that’d mess with your head” & “Fair enough, that’d do me in too.” These little lines let him know he’s not being a sook. He’s being human.
4. Don’t Make It Weird
You’re not Oprah. He’s not about to burst into tears on your shoulder while you stroke his hair and light incense.
Keep the convo casual. Do it while you’re:
- Going for a drive
- Casting a line
- Fixing something in the shed
- Walking the dog
Basically, anywhere you're side-by-side, not face-to-face. That’s the magic trick. Blokes are more likely to open up when it doesn’t feel like a therapy session.
5. Respect His Boundaries, But Don’t Piss Off Either
If he shrugs you off the first time, no dramas. Just let him know you’re around with a “No stress, bro. Just know I’ve got your back if you wanna chat” or “Sweet… but don’t go ghosting on us. You know where I’m at.”
That little line keeps the door open without pushing too hard.
6. Be That Bloke Who Checks In
Not once. Not just when he's super down. But regularly.
Shoot him a message. Drag him to the pub. Invite him for a feed. Keep him in the loop.
Regular, low-key contact helps chip away at that isolation — and reminds him he matters.
7. Nudge Him Toward Help Without Sounding Like a Wanker
Sometimes, professional help is needed — and you can gently encourage it. A good line?
“Mate, have you thought about chatting to someone about this? Like a proper pro? I reckon it could take the weight off.”
Even better - normalise it:
“I saw someone when I was going through some crap — helped heaps.”
Head over to the Better Bloke Find A Professional page to find some direction…
8. Know You’re Not His Lifeboat
You're his mate, not his mental health team. If it gets serious — like talk of suicide, not wanting to be here, or feeling like a burden — don’t sit on it.
Call in support. Call Lifeline or help him get to a hospital or doctor. Better to be the bloke who “overreacted” than the one who waited too long.
Bottom Line: Just Be There
You don’t need to say the perfect thing. You don’t need to “solve” him.
Just be the mate who gives a shit, the one who checks in, listens, and doesn’t run the other way when things get heavy. The truth is, most blokes aren’t looking for solutions. They just want to know someone’s got their back.
And if you’re reading this? You already do.
Need help or not sure what to say?
Jump in the Blokes Advice Facebook group or flick us a message. There are thousands of legends who’ve been there and we’re all about helping each other out.
No judgment. Just real talk.
